Setting Self-Compassionate Boundaries with your Students as their TAs
We've all experienced times when we felt overwhelmed, had too much on our plates, and didn't have any time for ourselves. While this can be challenging to deal with when it happens, there are measures and actions we can take to try to prevent these moments from happening at all. Establishing boundaries is one such measure. Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships, school, work, or personal. Setting boundaries can be challenging in any relationship—whether it’s with family, friends, at work, or even on social media—but it’s especially tricky when you're managing multiple roles.
As a teaching assistant, you occupy a unique position: you're both a student and a member of the teaching team. This dual role can blur boundaries and challenge their maintenance, especially if you are young, female, underrepresented, or generally perceived as a “nice” person. Students may make assumptions about your boundaries, and it can be difficult to navigate this terrain (Rockquemore, 2015). Many TAs know how important it is for students to feel comfortable talking to them about the challenges they are having in their learning or asking them questions about the discipline; however, many TAs struggle to balance being approachable and friendly with students while maintaining the demands and expectations of their professional teaching roles. For example, you may want to be as accessible and helpful as possible to students because you know how impactful it can be to their learning experience, but students (or your course instructor) might take advantage of your kindness and you end up far exceeding your time commitments.
The first step to setting boundaries with your students as a TA is to ensure that your own roles and responsibilities are clear to yourself, the course instructor, and the students. Once everyone understands these boundaries, it becomes easier to manage expectations and maintain a healthy balance between being supportive and maintaining professionalism.
Where do your responsibilities as a TA start and end?
The cornerstone of setting healthy boundaries between yourself and your students is understanding what you are, and are not, responsible for as a TA. Having a conversation with the course instructor will help clarify any misunderstandings about the expectations of your role. Uncertainty about your responsibilities can lead to overcommitting or underperforming. For example, some TAs respond to emails around the clock, treating them like urgent text messages, while others limit their role to classroom teaching. Clearly identifying your roles, responsibilities, and associated expectations is essential for establishing effective boundaries, as it lets you know the “where” and the “when” of those boundaries. Setting boundaries is not about deciding what you want or don’t want to do in your job; rather, it is about taking measures to ensure you are able to engage in your job responsibilities effectively!
How to successfully communicate your boundaries with your students
It's best to establish boundaries at the beginning of the semester (Himelblau, 2024), rather than addressing them after they have been crossed. Dedicate time during the first session to discuss these boundaries and expectations with your students and work with the course instructor to make sure expectations of TAs are clearly outlined in the course syllabus and online course site.
In her bestseller book Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab (2021) suggests a few steps for assertively communicating your boundaries:
Step 1: Identify the areas where you need boundaries, with help from the course instructor or other TAs.
Step 2: Be clear and straightforward from the beginning.
Step 3: Explain the "why" behind each boundary without being apologetic.
Step 4: Maintain the boundary consistently.
For example, if you want to establish clear office hours, start by asking your instructor about expectations and determining suitable times (Step 1). Then, communicate these hours clearly to your students at the start of the course and in the syllabus (Step 2), such as, “My office hours will be on Mondays and Wednesdays from 2:00 to 4:00 pm.” Explain the reasoning behind these times to help students understand (Step 3), “I have set these hours to give you my full attention and also balance my own study and work commitments.” Consistently stick to the established office hours and avoid making exceptions unless necessary (Step 4). If a student contacts you outside of these hours, remind them of your availability, perhaps with this language in an autoreply or below your email signature: “Thank you for reaching out. Please visit me during my office hours on Monday or Wednesday between 2:00 to 4:00 pm. I am happy to assist you.”
Now, let’s look at two broad areas where you can establish boundaries as a TA.For each one of the items below, you can follow Tawwab’s steps mentioned above to establish and communicate your boundaries.
Establish Clear Expectations
Establish clear office hours: Hold regular office hours and stick to them. Students may expect TAs to be available at all times, leading to interruptions during personal time, or late-night messages.
Set response time expectations: Let students know how long they can expect to wait for a response to their emails or messages. For example, you might aim to respond within 24-48 hours.
Be consistent with course policies: Go over the course policies with students, especially late submission or attendance policies. Apply course policies consistently to all students.
Transparent grading rubric: Clearly explain the grading rubric and assignment guidelines at the start of the course. Be transparent about how grades are determined and stick to the grading rubric criteria.
Use Professional Communication
Use institutional communication channels: Interact with students through university email and learning management systems, avoiding personal messaging apps.
Separate personal and professional social media: Keep personal and professional social media accounts separate. Avoid befriending students on personal accounts. If you choose to engage with students on social media, use a professional platform, such as LinkedIn, and follow university guidelines.
Set a classroom/online code of conduct: Communicate a clear code of conduct to ensure respectful conversations and establish a culture of respect.
Maintain confidentiality: Students may share personal or sensitive information when seeking advice or support. It's important to keep these conversations confidential to build trust and respect. However, if a student starts oversharing, remind them that they don’t need to disclose their personal lives to you and can discuss such issues with the course instructor.
Set boundaries for personal disclosures: Be friendly and approachable but avoid sharing personal information. Keep conversations focused on course content and related academic matters.
Setting boundaries with your students as their TA is an act of self-compassion. It helps manage your time and workload, preventing burnout and frustration. Establishing clear boundaries also models professional behavior in an educational setting for your students. Since boundaries are personal, identify what you're comfortable with and communicate them clearly and early to your course instructor and students.
References:
Himelblau, E. (2024, May 16). Advice for TAs on how to establish appropriate boundaries (opinion). Inside HigherEd. https://www.insidehighered.com/opinion/career-advice/2024/05/16/advice-tas-how-establish-appropriate-boundaries-opinion
Rockquemore, K. A. (2015, November 4). Setting boundaries when it comes to students’ emotional disclosures (essay). Inside Higher Ed. https://www.insidehighered.com/advice/2015/11/04/setting-boundaries-when-it-comes-students-emotional-disclosures-essay
Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Penguin.